Why Women with a High-Achieving Personality, Big Lives, & Big Goals Secretly Struggle with an Unhealthy Relationship with Food (And What to Do About It)!
You're a high-achieving, ambitious, motivated, driven, disciplined woman in most areas of your life, but JUST CAN'T SEEM TO GET IT TOGETHER IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD…
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When I walked out of Student Health as a freshman in college after being told by the doctor that I was killing myself, I started approaching my relationship with food in the same way I'd been approaching the rest of my life.
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As an ambitious, goal-oriented, perfectionist, I had skillz.
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I dominated school and academics.
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I could set goals and achieve them.
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I made rules for myself and stuck to them.
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Discipline? Pfft. No problem.
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I could easily put my head down and just do the work.
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Studying and practice wasn't an option- it was a must.
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I was a 4.0 student on a full-ride scholarship, and accomplished singer, and from the outside looked like I had everything together.
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I thought that those skillz could be used for this area of my life too. Why not? They'd got me where I was.
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(The irony of that statement is not lost on me!)
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What I quickly learned is: THEY GOT ME WHERE I WAS!
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In the throes of a highly dysfunctional relationship with food, my body, and exercise… THAT WAS KILLING ME.
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If you identify as a high-achieving, ambitious, motivated, driven, disciplined woman in most areas of your life, but JUST CAN'T SEEM TO GET YOUR SH*T TOGETHER IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD…
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You're not alone!
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As I shared recently with a woman I work with, in many areas of our lives, we take the approach of DOMINATION. CONTROL.
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We set the goals, we make the plans, we do the work.
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We make rules and stick to the routine.
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We operate with a unidirectional approach.
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We're strong women. We hold so much together.
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We take care of so many people. We want to please others.
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We want to lead and take charge. We don't want to miss out.
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We want to suck the marrow out of life!
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We have SO MUCH TO GIVE!
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And you know what else we do?
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We set our emotions aside in order to DO ALL THE THINGS.
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And emotions…
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Well…
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They can't be controlled. They won't be dominated.
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They will demand to be felt.
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But as a strong woman, you tough it out. You push forward.
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You're resilient and have a mindset of steel, right?
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You try to NOT FEEL.
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But the more you do this, the more you struggle in your relationship with food.
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Your nervous system becomes dysregulated, and it will force release of the pressure.
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For the women I work with, the release looks like reaching for food.
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Strong, intense emotions —> FOOD!
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Because how uncomfortable would it be, to admit that you need rest?
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That it's all become too much?
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That you need support?!
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And because you've got lots of rules around food and health or fitness...
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Because you have high standards and expectations for your behavior...
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You'll compensate by doubling down on the rules.
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Causing more intense emotions.
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Causing more stress!
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And now you're back to food. Reinforcing an unhealthy relationship with food.
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It's a vicious cycle.
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YOUR view of yourself… your identity… is tied to your externals.
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Your work achievements, your awards, your fitness goals met, your body composition numbers, your weight, your finances, your family…
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You tie your WORTH to these things.
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And to acknowledge that you need emotional support, that you have real internal needs, that you need self-care….
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It would mean you've failed.
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I LOVE YOU, strong woman. I AM YOU, strong woman.
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But here's what you need to know:
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This cycle doesn't have to continue.
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You can BE loved. You can BE led. You can BE nourished. You can BE cared for and supported.
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YOU CAN RECEIVE.
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Rather than looking at this as relinquishing control, what was pivotal for me was to practice SOFTENING.
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When it comes to food and our bodies, this means practicing a bi-directional approach.
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Rather than dominating the body, we practice trusting it.
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Rather than dominating our emotions, we practice leaning into them and taking them as cues for unmet needs.
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Rather than dominating food, we practice taking care of our eating with a bit more gentleness and flexibility.
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I know this can sound scary when you're so used to the type of GRIT, DISCIPLINE, DETERMINATION, and SELF-CONTROL that you've managed your life with.
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But when you learn these new skills, not only do you feel a more empowered sense of control… you feel a sense of PEACE with it.
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That's possible for you.
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To be able to meet your body's needs on any given day based on where you are in your cycle.
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To feel connected to your body to know what foods would give it the best energy for whatever you're involved in.
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To know how different emotions show up in your body and have the tools to trust them vs shut them down.
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To have a mind-body connection that allows for awareness of your internal state so you don't need a diet or rigid food rules to inform your eating.
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To understand the cues your body is giving you for hunger, for fullness, for satisfaction, for rest, for connection, etc. and trust yourself to know what to do with them.
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As a strong woman, to do these things you do not need to give up discipline.
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Your gifts are beautiful. Your capacities are magical.
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What we learn instead, is how to have GENTLE DISCIPLINE.
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Gentle Discipline
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THIS is what you need to move out of the failure mindset when things don't go perfectly.
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It's giving yourself what you give to everyone else in your life- kindness, respect, compassion, curiosity.
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Why?
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Because the process of healing starts with creating space to help your nervous system feel safe.
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You cannot do this with just mindset work or just thinking differently, gritting your teeth and trying harder.
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IT.WON'T.WORK.
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This is my invitation to you, TO EXHALE.
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To connect to your body in a way that allows for nourishment, trust, freedom, and the confidence to navigate food with spaciousness and ease.
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You can overcome. You've already proven it.
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Now we practice with more softness.
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Here's to GENTLE DISCIPLINE as you heal your relationship with food and your body.
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My 16-week Group Coaching program, The Food & Body Freedom Experience is open for enrollment through Friday, Sept. 27.n
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Will you join me?
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We'll kick it off on Oct. 1!n
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Learn more, schedule a call with me to discuss details, or sign up here!